The birth chart is an invaluable tool for knowing ourselves. It truly encompasses the entirety of the human experience from creativity, to love, to money, to the family, to travel, and so on. So, why not sex?

Sex is a fundamental part of life, as are relationships in general. Romantic love (and sex) is one of the main driving forces for people in life. We see it all the time in the media, in songs, in art. However, it is something many of us struggle to have a healthy, empowered relationship with, especially when it comes to truly understanding our own erotic natures. What are our wants, needs, and desires? How does our erotic energy wish to express itself? How can we honor this part of ourselves in a truly authentic way?

These are questions that can feel elusive to many of us, but did you know that the answers are lying in wait for us to discover in our own birth charts? That's right! Through the study of sextrology—and certain placements in the chart—we can explore, and begin to unlock, everything we need to know about ourselves when it comes to love.

What Is Sextrology?
Sextrology is exactly what it sounds like: sex through the lens of astrology. Truly, it is the art of unraveling one's sexual and romantic natures: our approach to romantic and/or sexual connections, our wants and desires, what turns us on and off, the things we value, and our larger needs for sex and intimacy as a whole. We can learn about the way we express these desires, the way we express our sexuality, the must-haves and the deal breakers, as well as how to embody the energy of our astrological placements to amp up our own personal brand of magnetism.

Through studying the birth chart via the sextrology lens we can find potent magick, healing, and deeper fulfillment in ourselves, our relationships, and possibly in our lives as a whole. We can learn how to be better partners, lovers, and friends when we educate ourselves on these aspects of our loved ones, too. Remember that relationships are a two-way street (or more, if you practice any form of non-monogamy.)

In this article we will explore the role of the four main placements used in sextrology to help you understand how you show up in love: the Moon, Venus, Mars, and asteroid Eros.

The Moon
As one of the two luminaries in the birth chart, the Moon plays an all-important role in our experience of relationships. In this first section, we'll depart from looking at a planet and its relationship to sex in an overt manner, and shift more towards the other components that make up our relationships. The Moon deals mainly with our emotions, but that doesn't mean there isn't a connection to our erotic selves. Indeed, for many, and to some extent, I would argue, for all of us, the emotional connection will eventually come into play in the bedroom. Even the most casually oriented of us eventually finds themselves in a serious relationship, or with some serious feelings for someone. With that, I invite you to consider the following and how it shows up for you where sex is concerned.

The Moon rules over our complex inner realms: it's our emotions, our intuition, the way we take in and process things. It points to our definition of nurturing, and what we need to feel safe and secure within relationships. It also rules over our physical body, traditionally, and can point to what we need to feel not only safe in our homes and immediate environment, but safe and nurtured within our physical vessel. The Moon also rules over the subconscious, where our deepest desires and wounds tend to hide.

Safety is an incredibly important component within relationships. Not all of us were raised in a safe environment, and unfortunately interpersonal violence is all too common in romantic relationships. Experiencing these traumas deeply shifts our relationship to our own bodies and environments, let alone in our relationships with other people. If we cannot feel safe—emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually—with someone else, we are setting ourselves, and the connection, up for failure.

When it comes to sexual exploration and experimentation, safety is incredibly important as well.

Venus
Immortalized in the heavens as the goddess of love and beauty that shares its namesake, in astrology Venus is the main partnership planet. Though her counterpart Mars also grapples with themes of relationships, Venus represents the quintessential ideals of love and romance. Often thought of as the Feminine Principle of partnership—which is to say the passive, receptive side—Venus represents the archetype of the Lover that we embody. It characterizes the way we love, the things we value and are attracted to in partners and partnerships, and can also inform our aesthetic sensibilities. Every beautiful thing that moves us, every piece of art we admire or create or marvel at is thanks to Venus. Our music taste, our sense of style, the types of landscapes we think are prettiest, and the people, too, are all informed by Venus. There is a popular line of thought in astrology that asserts we can dial up our personal magnetism by dressing for our Venus sign. The way in which we choose to dress or style our hair or choose which accessories to adorn ourselves with—or not—is directly linked to Venus. Through physically embodying the style of our Venus placement we are more easily able to attract the things, and people, we desire.

Regardless of gender, Venus graces us all with her gifts one way or another. We are all lovers under its seductive charms, defenseless against her intoxicating promise. Everything, everything, everything is Venus.

As the eternal rose that embodies love itself, in sextrology, Venus is one of the principal placements we look to, to start unraveling and understanding the essence of our sexual and romantic nature. As the two often go hand in hand, it's crucial to know not only what you desire in your relationships, but also to have the awareness around how you show up. Remember that relationships are symbiotic, and it takes more than one person to make things work. In that sense, as a side note on compatibility, it is invaluable to understand your loved one's Venus placement as well. And while, yes, there are definitely certain placements that have an easier time together, remember that Venus (or any planet, for that matter) is only one piece of the pie. However, especially where romantic connections are concerned, Venus comes forward to play a much more predominant role than usual.

Mars
In astrology, Mars is the other etheric lover, the perfect counterpart to Venus, and makes up the other half of the partnership planets. As the planet of sex, Mars is the most obvious placement to study when it comes to sextrology. The sign Mars sits in perhaps best represents our sexual style in its rawest form: this is where we will first look into potential turn ons and offs, as well as how we approach sex in general. Similarly to Venus, the position of Mars in the chart points to our wants, needs, and desires; it is our sexual appetite. Because of Mars' association with drive, it also points to the hunt: how do we pursue these desires? How do we go after sex? How do we view sex? As a conquest? A soul-bonding experience? And so on.

Sharing its namesake with the God of War, Mars represents the Masculine Principle—which is to say our active side. Beyond just sex, Mars is passion in all of its varying manifestations. It is the planet of vitality, assertion, action, boundaries, conflict, and anger—also important, and inevitable, aspects of relationships. The sign that Mars sits in also represents how we show up in conflict, how our anger expresses itself, and how and where we direct that energy. Everything about Mars is physical, visceral. Any and every Martian characteristic manifests itself through the body, one way or another.

Mars is both how we fuck and fight.

In the same vein as with Venus, there is plenty to glean from learning both about your own Mars and your loved one's.

Eros
As far as asteroids in sextrology are concerned, Eros is perhaps the most obvious and natural placement to consider. The word "eros" in Greek refers to physical, sexual love. It is the type of love that contains passion, lust, and desire. Everything that is physical, carnal, and insatiable is tied up in this asteroid. It embodies eroticism in a visceral, unbound way. In the birth chart, Eros represents the way we express this physical passion. It can also show the level or extent of our eroticism. The sign it's in represents our desire, our hunger, the type of sex you crave on a cellular level. It shows what we find to be absolutely irresistible.

Eros is the desire we feel that supersedes our good sense and unlocks our primal desire. It's where we become obsessed, full to the brim with desire, and can become single-minded. This asteroid is our turn ons, kinks, and sexual style. The sign it sits in may also point to the sign that you are attracted to the most, though not always, as they naturally embody the sexual energy you crave. This asteroid mostly travels within orbit of Mars, which might explain its deep links to mind-blowing sex.

As with all asteroids, the closer Eros is to another planet or angle in the chart will boost its influence in our sexual expression. Having Eros conjunct Venus, for example, increases the importance of sex in our romantic connections. It may also boost the sex drive in general. Whereas having Eros in a harsh square aspect to Saturn may dampen someone's sex drive, or it may feel very stop and go. Unlocking the nature of Eros in the chart is one of the more literal keys to being able to honor our sexual desires in a real way.

As you locate each of these placements in your own chart and gain a better understanding about what each of your natal placements means and looks like, spend some time exploring how and where and when you experience and embody them. Tangible examples of astrology are incredibly important, and being able to point to and name moments or feelings helps us to get a better grasp on the role it plays within our lives. Being able to take the time to piece together how we feel we embody each planet, asteroid, or point can help to weave together a cohesive picture around the true nature of our erotic selves, and just what it is, exactly, we're hunting for.

Keep in mind that it's highly possible that some of your placements may seem to contradict or be at odds with one another: having a Pisces Venus that desires deep emotional connections and is highly sensitive, paired with a Gemini Mars that is fun and flirty and wants variety in sex and sexual partners, for example. It is just as common as it is uncommon to experience things like this. The makeup of our charts is highly complex and nuanced, just like relationships, just like being a person. It's true that having these push and pull dynamics within ourselves makes things feel complicated. We may end up feeling like we have to choose one or the other, or that we don't understand these parts of ourselves that seem to contradict. This is normal. However, that doesn't necessarily mean it's right.

On the contrary, this is an invitation for you to hold space for all of the weird and manifold parts of yourself. You can desire both fun and deep connections. You can want variety and commitment. A grounded, yet casual partner. There are an impossible amount of combinations and intersections that exist across humanity, and I promise, just as you are more than one thing, no matter what your placements are, there are other people out there who are made up just as strangely and brilliantly as you.