We've all been there, and we've all seen others go there, too: an emotionally triggered state where we are not quite ourselves, or at least not our adult selves.

Someone says or does something, and suddenly our whole energy system reacts. If we are even a little present in our body, we may notice this shift. But if we've spent years ignoring the body's signals, we might miss the moment when the breath shortens and something inside contracts. Before we know it, we've reacted—without fully understanding where it came from.

When an old wound gets activated, the nervous system responds as if we're in imminent danger, even if the external event (such as a delayed text) is objectively minor.

And more often than not, shame follows. Because on the surface, the reaction seems out of proportion. No one wants to feel like a trembling child in an adult's body. But that's exactly what happens. A scared inner child takes the wheel, trying to cope using strategies we developed long ago in situations where we didn't feel safe, loved, or like we belonged.

It's also common that two people become triggered at once. As you may have noticed, we often feel drawn, almost magnetically, to the kinds of people and situations that will activate our most tender triggers. We think we can escape by changing partners, jobs, or friends. But if we haven't healed the pattern inside, it follows us, because it comes from us. The contracted energy knots within are essentially programmed with the unprocessed emotions from a event that overwhelmed us; we will project them out regardless of where we are. From a yogic perspective, this is no surprise.

Humans have seemingly long suffered from the pain of reactive cycles. In the Yoga Sutras, written over 2,000 years ago, we're introduced to samskaras, which are energetic grooves from repeated reactions, like a scratch on a vinyl record. When we're triggered, we drop into a familiar groove and replay the same emotional song. The actors may change, but the script remains. Unless something within us becomes conscious enough to intervene, the pattern continues—lifetime after lifetime, draining our life force and disconnecting us from the very love we seek.

Here's the good news: if you can humbly say, "Yes, I get triggered and I don't want to keep doing this," then you're ready to turn your triggers into sacred portals for healing. These painful moments are not obstacles; they are invitations. They are holy doorways into deeper connection with yourself, and with the Divine presence that lives at the core of your being—the loving presence that can melt and heal even the oldest frozen energy blocks.

Step 1: Get Honest About Your "Out"
When we're triggered, most of us try to escape the discomfort. I call these escape routes "outs." They're the default coping strategies we reach for when we feel overwhelmed. Which one is yours?

• Lash out: Do you blame the other person? Do you feel like if they just changed, you wouldn't have to feel this way?
• Numb out: Do you suddenly find yourself scrolling your phone, reaching for sugar, alcohol, weed, porn, shopping, anything to avoid the intensity?
• Check out: Do you retreat into your head? Analyze, explain, rationalize, instead of feeling the discomfort in your body? This one is subtle and can seem "mature," but it disconnects you from your heart and others.

Recognizing your "out" is essential. You might have more than one, but there's usually a primary one to watch closely. Once you recognize it, you can begin to catch it in the act. You might even ask yourself: "Wait, why am I aimlessly scrolling while craving ice cream on a Monday morning?"

Step 2: Catch the Trigger Early
To stop a trigger from hijacking you, you have to catch it before it floods you. The best way to do this is to develop a daily practice, one that includes scanning your body and observing your breath. When calm, relaxed breathing becomes your baseline, you're far more likely to notice when it suddenly shifts. That's often your first clue that a trigger is rising.

Body Scan: Let your awareness move through your body, from head to toe and back again. Feel what's there. What's happening in your belly, your chest, your throat? What's the texture of your energy field?

Where you feel contraction, prana (life energy) is no longer flowing freely. When your energy is contracted, you're less connected to your Higher Self and feel even more at the mercy of the other's actions or lack of same.

And if, at that moment, you can slow down, even slightly, soften your breath and body, you may be able to pause long enough to avoid falling into your habitual "out."

Step 3: Go In Instead of Out
Real healing begins when, instead of abandoning yourself, you choose to stay with yourself in your hour of need. That means going in, it means staying with the rawness. It means choosing love over avoidance and drama. Imagine how you would hold a hurting child: not with judgment or distraction, but with tenderness. You hold your own contracted pain with that kind of compassion.

Scan your body. Find the most contracted place in your energy field and lay a hand there. Breathe. And gently say: "I feel this. I notice. I'm here. I love you. I've got you."

If you have faith in a higher power, you might also call on the Divine to help you heal this: "Divine Loving Presence please fill me with your light, your love, hold me as I stay present with this pain inside. Help me release the contractions inside my body, let light flow freely through me."

Speak to yourself with genuine compassion. As you do, the contraction may soften and the urge to numb, lash, or check out may fade.

Then ask: How old is this feeling? You may discover that this contracted sensation in your body predates the current situation, by years or even decades. You may meet a much younger version of yourself, a part of you that felt abandoned, invisible, or unsafe. That energy is still inside, frozen in time. But your loving presence can begin to melt it.

As it melts, tears may come. Stay with it. Even if no memory surfaces, your loving presence is enough. Some inner children tell long stories. Others just need to be held. The healing isn't in the story. It's in the loving presence with which you stay.

You might already have a sense of where your current main trigger lives in your body. Even now, pause. Lay your hand where it feels tight. Imagine a radiant light flowing into the contraction. Whisper the words you've always longed to hear: "I love you. I'm here. I've got you. You're safe now. I'm not leaving."

This is the path.

Not to perfect behavior, but to deeper loving presence. Not to always be calm, but to always return to yourself. Your triggers aren't failures. They are sacred invitations to heal something that really needs your loving presence, something frozen that needs to thaw in the light of your inner radiance. Your triggers invite you to come home. To love yourself. To finally be the one who never leaves.

To go deeper with this healing path, Heal What Hurts offers an eight-step process that guides you into a daily rhythm of presence, compassion, and Divine connection. This is not just a set of tools, but a lived path, one that invites you to meet your triggers as sacred openings and to bring breath, body awareness, and Divine loving presene into the frozen emotional knots within. In the book, you'll learn to locate specific "trigger knots" in your body's energy field, uncover the scripts held within them, and offer the words and presence you've always longed to hear. With each step, you're not just calming your reactions, you're becoming someone new: a more compassionate, spiritually grounded version of yourself, one who responds from love instead of wounding. This spiritual journey is a homecoming to your truest self and The Divine Loving Presence that is always available within.